


Songs to Love and Die By

by januarylily



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2018-11-20 04:55:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11329032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/januarylily/pseuds/januarylily
Summary: Edith Eaton never imagined Choosing Day would be this difficult. Does she choose the path expected of her, the path that leads to the brother she misses dearly, or the path with the boy she envisions a future with?





	1. Chapter 1

I stand in my pristine bedroom. Nothing is out of place. Everything is as it should be, like every good Abnegation girl. I anxiously tug at the grey sleeves of my shirt. I know I shouldn’t focus on my nervousness, but I can’t help it. Caleb Prior is supposed to be coming for dinner tonight. The timing of everything seems rather silly, only a short time before our Aptitude tests, but Caleb and I had decided that it was better this way. It had seemed very logical at the time of our discussion, but now in the moment, it seemed rather illogical. The purpose also seemed to flirt the line of selfishness and selflessness. 

I slowly walk around my bedroom trying to calm my nerves trying to convince myself that this is the right thing to do, that it isn't the selfish thing to do. I reason that it is the next step in our relationship. Caleb had joined my volunteer group over a year ago. Everyone knew he had joined it because of me...except me of course. I took some convincing of the fact. But once I finally figured out why Caleb Prior was spending so much time near me, he and I were inseparable. Well, as inseparable as two Abnegation teenagers could get. 

Caleb and I are probably one of the worst kept secrets among the Abnegation. I am certain that my father already knew of my relationship with Caleb. So the fact that he hadn’t rebuked me over Caleb must mean that on some level, he approved. But of course he approved of a nice Abnegation boy to keep his daughter in check. I need to be kept in check to ensure no more public humiliation will come to my father. He refused to suffer anymore humiliation at the expense of his children, something I was frequently reminded of since Tobias had left us. While the brunt of my father’s wrath has always been geared toward my brother, since he abandoned us, I was next in line to face my father. The only thing I had going for me, compared to my brother, was that I could play the role of a good Abnegation child better than he ever could.

Slowly, I exhale the breath I had been holding before I start downstairs to check on dinner. It is my turn to cook. It always feels like it’s my turn to cook, but that’s probably because my father rarely takes his turn to cook. He claims that it is to help me improve my skills, but I know my father isn’t as selfless as he appears. Only three other people know this of my father. One of them dead: my mother. One of them deserted to a different faction: my brother. And Caleb. I had tried very hard not to reveal too much about my father to him, wanting to allow Caleb to make his own decision as far as my father was concerned. But the closer Caleb and I grew, the easier it was for him to read me and he could always tell when something was wrong or when I would wince in pain when I moved. I had asked Caleb to never breathe a word of my father’s actions to anyone else and as far as I know, he hasn't. I know I don't dont deserve a boy like Caleb Prior.

I pull the chicken out of the oven. It looks rather bland, as it every chicken meal does in Abnegation. I just hope it’s cooked all the way through or that it’s not too dry. I selfishly desire to impress Caleb, but I push those thoughts aside as I hear my father walk through the front door. He calls my name, “Edith!”

I leave the chicken setting on the counter before I wipe my hands against my pants and walk to greet him. I approach him with my head lowered and my gaze fixed on the floor. “Good evening, Father. I hope your day went well,” I greet him, making eye contact only for a moment.

He gives a stiff nod, as Marcus Eaton does almost every evening, before he asks, “Caleb Prior is coming for dinner tonight, correct?” 

I look up, but I can’t meet his gaze as I respond, “Yes, sir.”

“And have you prepared the meal?” I can tell that his tone is critical. That if the meal isn’t already prepared, he will suffer great embarrassment. Good thing I learned a long time ago to be proactive to avoid punishments, not that it always works out in my favor. 

“Yes, sir. I pulled the chicken out right as you walked in, sir.”

But Marcus always feels the need to find fault everywhere. He clears his throat. “The food better not be cold for Caleb.” I look at his chest and nod my head. I know that he means himself, but he is putting on his Abnegation act. But he doesn’t have to put the act on in front of me. Yet he does anyway.

I stand there biting my bottom lip, waiting to be excused. After several moments he finally does excuse me. I quickly walk to the kitchen for some solace and to compose myself before Caleb arrives. I hope he arrives early so that I won’t be left alone with Marcus for too long. I also hope this dinner goes well or I will no doubt suffer the consequences of it later.

A few minutes later, there is a knock at the door. My heart begins to race because I know it’s him, the boy who is one day going to save me from all of this. I can’t help but smile as I collectedly walk toward the door to let him in. I glance over my shoulder to see my father watching me. He nods at me, giving me permission to open the door. I do. I open the door and reveal Caleb standing there in his grey Abnegation clothing with a small smile on his face. “Good evening, Edith,” he greets me as he bows his head.

My stomach does flips inside me and my heart seems to race a little faster, but I calmly respond, bowing my head, “Good evening, Caleb. Please, do come in.” I then motion with one hand for him to come inside. 

He nods his head and takes a step forward. I feel his fingers brush against the hand hanging at my side. I know that he did it on purpose. It’s the unwritten way of our faction, the most usual public display of affection. A display that isn’t supposed to be obvious, but I can’t help but feel that it is obvious. I suddenly feel a blush creep onto my cheeks as my gaze immediately drops downward as Caleb walks by me and into my father’s house.

I lift my gaze to watch Caleb bow his head toward my father. I am relieved when my father bows his head back. We walk to the table. My father sits at his normal spot at the head of the table. Caleb sits in Tobias’ old spot. No one has sat there for two years. My heart pangs for a moment as thoughts of my brother begin to surface. But I push them down and head to the kitchen to bring the food to the table.

I grab the plate of chicken, bowl of green peas, and the loaf of bread and carry them back to the table. I can see Caleb sitting there, politely answering my father’s questions. It puts me at ease a little. I set the food on the table before taking my place across the table from Caleb. The position of his head makes it look like he’s examining the food, but I can see his eyes watching me. I nervously touch the tight bun in my hair, trying not to focus on him as we begin to pass the food around the table.

My father grabs the plate of chicken, dishes a piece for himself, and then passes the plate to me since I’m on his right. I take the smaller piece of chicken before I pass the plate across the table to Caleb. His fingers brush against mine as he reached for the plate. I refuse to make eye contact with him because I don’t trust myself to not betray my feelings. But the same thing happens when I pass him the bowl of green peas and then the plate of bread.

During dinner, Caleb and I remain silent unless my father asks us a question. He rarely asks me anything. He doesn’t want me embarrassing him in front of Andrew Prior’s son. I find slight satisfaction that Andrew Prior’s son already knows. But I know that is a selfish thought and I push it down as I take a bite of my chicken. While I chew my food, my father asks Caleb another question. Without missing a beat, Caleb gives the perfect Abnegation answer to my father’s question. I know pride is a sin, but I can’t help but be proud of how well Caleb is dealing with my father.

When we finish eating, Caleb offers to help me with the dishes. I open my mouth to object, but I realize he trying to find a way to spend time with me alone. My father doesn’t object. In fact he surprises me and leaves the room muttering something about work. Caleb watches over his shoulder as my father disappears into another room. He picks up his plate and closes the distance between us. “Hi, Edith,” he whispers close to my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

“Hi,” I respond rather breathlessly. I allow my eyes to meet his gaze. Once again my stomach flips and my heart beats faster. It’s ridiculous that one person is able to do that do me. That one person is Caleb and he knows it. He smiles and nods for me to grab something from the table. I grab my plate with one hand while he takes hold of my free hand. His touch sends tingles up my arm as we walk to the sink.

For a moment we stand at the sink saying nothing and holding hands until Caleb breaks the silence, “How about I’ll wash and rinse while you dry and put away?”

I nod my head and he releases my hand to wash the dishes. With a sigh, I walk back to the table to gather the rest of the dishes. By the time I bring them back to the sink, Caleb has already started washing them. I set the dirty ones beside him and he thanks me as I reach for a dishtowel to dry the clean dishes. We make small talk as we take care of the dishes. We are in such close proximity to each other that we keep bumping into each other, but I don’t mind. I like being close to Caleb. He makes me feel safe.

As I dry the dishes, I can’t help but let my thoughts wander. My thoughts wander to the future, a future with Caleb. I can see us in our home, exactly like this one. I can see us washing dishes together, breaking bread together, raising a family together...but most importantly I can see myself feeling safe and comfortable away from my father. I know I’m supposed to love my father and I think I do--but I can hardly wait for the day when I am no longer under my father’s roof. 

“Edith,” Caleb whispers to me, startling me out of my thoughts. I glance up at him and he leans over and says, “I think that dish is dry.” 

I blush. I look down at the floor and mutter, “Sorry. I was lost in thought.”

“What were you thinking about?” he asks plainly.

I blush again, but this time I look up at him. Our gazes lock and I say, “I think you already know.”

He smiles and looks over his shoulder before looking back at me. “Is your father watching us? I can’t tell.”

I look over my shoulder and turn back to Caleb. “I don’t think so. I don't see him and he’s probably working in another room.”

“Good.” Caleb leans in and presses a kiss against my cheek. 

I sigh, leaning on him, practically melting against him. Abnegation members don’t publicly display affection for each other, but we aren’t in public. It’s just the two of us right now and despite how much I love his affection, I still reprimand him. “Caleb. My father…”

“If he asks, you didn’t ask, I selflessly gave.” He presses another kiss against my cheek. I smile. Caleb always is good at rationalizing things and finding a logical explanation for things. But the fact that I know this doesn't make his next statement any less unexpected. “I need to talk to you about something.”

I arch an eyebrow at him. “Oh? What about?”

Caleb looks around before he drops his voice and says lowly, “The Choosing Ceremony.”

I slowly blink, trying to gather my wits for a moment. I then look around for my father before I whisper, “You know we’re not supposed to talk about that.”

“I know for fact that couple talk about it beforehand. Especially when they’re…” He pauses and then continues. “Close.”

“So, you think we’re close?” I ask changing the subject as every good Abnegation girl is supposed to do.

He knows and look at me disappointedly with his arms folded across his chest. “You know we are.” 

I can see I hit a nerve. I sigh and nod my head. Even though we’re only sixteen, we have discussed a future together before. I know this is something he wants to talk about. I look around to make sure my father hasn’t made an appearance. I then rest my hand on his arm and look up at him. “What is it that you wanted to tell me?”

His expression softens. He takes a deep breath and swallows hard. Then he looks me directly in the eyes. “There’s no easy way to say this, but I--I’m planning on transferring. To Erudite.”

I thought my thoughts were swimming before, but they seem to be racing in a million different directions now. I almost feel dizzy. I absently take a step away from him, trying to process the news. I ran my fingers through my pulled-back hair. I close my eyes until the dizziness goes away. I look up at Caleb, who now looks unsure of himself. “Why are you telling me this?” I ask with my brow furrowed.

“Think about it Edith. Why would I tell you?” Caleb ask me, his eyes staring intently into mine and his hands resting on my shoulders, which causes some discomfort.

I ponder his words for a moment, the heat from his hands practically burns through my clothes. The first thought that jumps in my head is logical enough, but it almost seems too much to hope for. “You--you want me to go with you.”

He nods his head. “I know it’s selfish to ask you, but I had to take a chance, especially knowing what I know about you...and your father.”

I nod. My head is swimming. I lamely ask, “What about the Aptitude test?”

“I’m positive I know what mine will tell me.” He pauses for a moment before he continued. “And you know as well as anyone that you don’t have to choose where the test recommends you’d be best suited.” I know he was referring to my brother. I had told Caleb that the test had recommended Abnegation for Tobias, yet he had still chosen Dauntless.

I bite my bottom lip. “Do you think I could make it...there?”

Again, he nods his head. “You catch onto things fairly quickly.”

“Not as quick as you,” I point out. 

My bottom lip juts out a little which makes him chuckle. He presses his finger against my lip, trying to push it back up. “I don’t want to pressure you, but I felt I needed to tell you--give you time to think things over.”

“You mean longer than the hours between the test and the Choosing ceremony?”

He sighs before he nods his head again, not making eye contact with me. “I thought you might need more time than that.”

I wrap my hands around his neck and force him to look at me. “I appreciate that. I do.” Caleb’s hand find their way to my waist and he pulls me a little closer. I’m full of emotions as I whisper, “I don’t want to lose you too.” He knows what losing Tobias did to me.

“You don’t have to. You won’t.” Caleb looks around before his hands move to my face and he pulls my face toward his. He presses his lips against mine. This isn’t our first real kiss, but they happen so infrequently that they always feel like the first time all over again. Trusting his judgment on the situation I kiss him back. I know that this is where I belong, with him. But that only complicates the decision I will have to make soon.

After several kisses, we pull apart, not wanting to get too out-of-line. I rest my head against his chest and I can feel his heartbeat. “Can I have a few days to think and then we’ll have this conversation again?” I mumble.

He agrees.

I sigh, still pressed against him. “You should probably go before my father gets suspicious.”

Caleb rubs my arms with his hands. I cringe in pain when his hands rest on my shoulders. He looks at me knowingly. He doesn’t ask why I’m in pain because he already knows it has to do with my father. He doesn’t know it was from when my father shoved me against the wall because he thought me out-of-line, but he knows enough. Caleb sighs. “If he does anything after I leave, tell me tomorrow.”

I sigh. “It’s not like it’ll change anything.”

Caleb kisses my forehead. “Not now. But maybe someday.”

I am not sure what he meant by that, but I know that I trust him...I love him. I am not ready for him to let go of me when he does. I fold my arms across my chest and walk him to the door. We pass my father, who looks up for a moment, and then goes back to what he is doing.

I open the door and sigh as I look at Caleb. He bows his head toward me and I bow my head back as he walks by me. I slowly close the door watching him walk away from me. He looks back at me over his shoulder a couple times before he disappears altogether. I completely close the door and walk to face my father. I stand before him with my eyes downcast. I expect something to have gone wrong. I expect him to punish me for staying with Caleb alone in the kitchen for so long. I am surprised when all he says is, “Caleb is a nice Abnegation boy. I am pleased with your decision.”

His words are like a punch in the gut. If only he knew the conversation that happened under his very roof. I just nod my head and my head upstairs to my bedroom. I slowly set myself on the edge of my bed, sitting upright. My thoughts are still swirling. Caleb’s confession was a complete surprise to me and now because of it I am seriously considering transferring to a different faction. 

Granted, transferring isn’t a new thought for me. It is something I have considered many times actually. But the only faction I ever considered transferring to was Dauntless...to be with my brother. I miss Tobias dearly. In a lot of ways, he was always my other half. He was the one to pick me up when I was down. I hadn’t seen him in nearly two years, but I still went into his old bedroom quite frequently. I know the saying is faction before blood, but I will never forget my brother. He will always be a part of me.

And that is what makes my upcoming decision even harder. Do I choose the path expected of me and save my father humiliation? Do I choose the path of the boy I love and can picture the rest of my life with? Or do I choose the path that leads to the brother I can’t forget and have spent every day for the last two years missing? At this moment I’m not sure, but I know that no matter which path I choose, I’m going to hurt someone.


	2. Aptitude

The morning of the Aptitude test, I wake up and stare at the ceiling above. My thoughts swirl and my stomach churns. Thoughts of Caleb are on my mind. He is going to transfer to Erudite. I feel strange knowing something I shouldn't, but it isn't hard for me to keep a secret. I've practically been keeping secrets my entire life. My thoughts turn to my father. Rumors have been swirling about him in decent days. Rumors that really aren't rumors but actual truth. My father has been on edge around me, thinking that it was I who started the rumors. But I know better than to do that. I know it would only make things worse for me. So I can't help but wonder if Caleb let the information slip in order to make a potential transfer more understandable. A transfer to Erudite with him. It is plausible, but it isn't the only explanation.

Honestly, if I were a betting person, my money would be on my brother, Tobias. He knows that I will be choosing soon. Perhaps he is trying to pave the way to make an easier break from my father. No, it will not surprise me if I find out that Tobias is behind the whole thing. My heart pangs. I miss my brother. I wish he was here to talk to me. To guide me through this process. I can't help but wonder what his thoughts were like before his Choosing. Right now, I wish I would have taken the time to talk to him more about it. But I was too busy playing a good Abnegation girl to have taken much interest.

Slowly, I roll out of bed. I glance down at the messy bed. Part of me wants to leave it. But I know better. I know better than to bring shame on my father. So I make my bed, not because I want to or because it's what a good Abnegation does. No, I make it out of fear, hoping that by making it, it will be one less fault my father can find with me. But that has been my entire life. A pain I carry invisibly, weighing me down. My only relief is Caleb, who figured it out on his own, but it's even hard to voice it to him. Because if I voice it, that makes it more real and I prefer it to remain at arm's length at all times.

I walk downstairs and find that my father is gone. He must have gone to work early. He must have had a lot to do, or he was keeping his distance from me as to not give a reason for truth to the rumors swirling about him. Either way, I am glad that he isn't here. Last night he decided to have another conversation with me about not bringing shame to the family. I know he is worried about my Aptitude test. He does not want another embarrassment in the family, but he seems to expect it from me. I am glad that he does not know my inner turmoil. Every time he asks about the subject, I play the good Abnegation girl and change the subject which only seems to make him more suspicious.

I am about to head out the door to catch the bus when I realize that I have not done something with my hair. It is hanging down my back, nearly reaching my waist. I like wearing it down, but it is not our way. So I quickly brush it back with my fingers before I manage to tie it back in some sort of bun. I just hope that it does not fall out. I then exit my house to find Caleb and Beatrice Prior waiting. I try to hide my smile and keep my head down as I walk to meet them.

"Good morning, Edith," Caleb greets me.

"Good morning, Caleb. Good morning, Beatrice," I say with my gaze still on the ground while a blush creeps onto my cheeks. My blush intensifies when I feel Caleb's hand brush against mine. I accidentally make eye contact with Beatrice, who smiles and shakes her head. I know she knows about Caleb and me. Then again, I am pretty sure she knew about Caleb and me before I knew about Caleb and me.

"Beatrice, aren't you going to say good morning?" Caleb rebukes his sister.

She looks at the ground sheepishly. "Sorry. Good morning, Edith."

I give Beatrice a sympathetic look. I knew she didn't mean anything by it. I can't help but wonder if he is being a little harder on her because he knows he is leaving Abnegation and he is trying to help his sister while he still can. I find the thought jarring and I quickly force my thoughts elsewhere, lest I betray Caleb's confidence.

"How are you doing this morning?" Caleb asks me. I glance up at him and his expression tells me that his question is a loaded one.

I take a deep breath before answering, "I didn't get much sleep last night." I was trying to keep my words vague in front of Beatrice. I know this would be one of the only chances I would get to speak openly with him before the ceremony tomorrow and I wanted to be honest with him.

"Marcus keep you up?"

I know what he means and I could honestly answer that we did only talk last night. Granted, it had been mostly a one-way conversation, but thankfully, he didn't lay a hand or belt on me last night. But Caleb doesn't seem quite sure by my response. I brush my hand against his. "I'm fine," I whisper for only him to hear. "I would tell you if…"

He nods his head before I can finish. He understands.

We stop at the bus stop and board the bus. We each take a seat. Caleb sits between me and Beatrice. I can feel his nearness. I try to ignore him to maintain the desires within. I want to kiss him but it is hardly an appropriate time or place. For a brief moment, I wonder if we would have more freedom to do as we desired in Erudite. I glance around the bus hoping to spot and Erudite couple, but the bus stops. I am distracted by the people getting on and off the bus, although more people seem to be getting on than off.

I watch as Caleb stands to offer a surly Candor man his spot. He reaches up and grabs hold of the railing above to keep himself steady. Since the Candor man is practically sitting on top of me, I follow suit with Caleb. I stand and reach up for the railing. I stand facing Caleb, who is looking down at me with a soft smile on his face. I look up at him and study his features as the bus jolts forward and begins to move again. He is quite handsome. I know it is a selfish thought, but I am glad that he was born Abnegation otherwise I would probably have quite a bit of competition for him. But Caleb had chosen me. Although, I still am not sure what Caleb Prior sees in me anyway.

The next bus jolt catches me off guard and I crash forward into Caleb. He is stiff and breaks my fall. His free arm wraps around my waist to steady me. My eyes widen at his audacity. But truthfully, I enjoy the feeling of his arm around me. Once he sees that I am steady on my feet, he removes his arm. But I can still feel the warmth of where his arm once was and I find myself wishing he puts his arm back, despite knowing he won't.

The bus stops in front of the school and I file off behind Caleb and Beatrice. I stay a few steps behind them as Beatrice engages her brother in conversation. I do not mind giving her time with Caleb, knowing what I know, especially since I have a feeling that he has not told her about his plans. I simply follow them into the school, likely our last day here. A thought then jolts me, many of the teachers here are Erudites. Perhaps, just perhaps I could find myself working here one day. But before any of that could happen, I need to survive today.

Caleb and Beatrice stop in the hallway. I brush past Caleb."I'll be right there," Caleb says.

I smile at him. "Take your time," I say.

Caleb and I are in Advanced Math together, while Beatrice is in Faction History. Today, we all our classes are shortened and are before lunch. After lunch, we will take our Aptitude tests. The thought makes my stomach lurch. But I suppress that feeling and walk into my math classroom. I barely take my seat when Caleb walks in and takes his seat beside me. And we begin our last day of classes together.

After lunch, I sit at a table with Caleb, Beatrice, and Susan Black. If Abnegation were better at expressing their feelings, I would be fairly certain Susan has a crush on Caleb. But he is mine. For now at least. Tomorrow that could all change...not that I want it to. But my mind tells me that it is a possibility. My saving grace will be that Caleb chooses before me. So if for some reason he decides to change his mind, I will at least know before I choose.

I catch Caleb glancing at the Erudites studying while they wait for their Aptitude test. He knows I am watching him because he quickly changes his glance toward the Amity. I sigh. I wonder if this test will know the conflict that rages within me and then I wonder if Tobias had the same conflict within him. I wonder if my father is the cause of the conflict and if I would still be in this situation if my father were different.

Caleb's name is called.

"Good luck," I whisper to him.

He smiles before he walks toward the exit with confidence. His decision is already made, unlike mine. Beatrice scoots closer toward me. I can tell that she is nervous and not wearing her Abnegation facade. Although, I'm not so sure that I am wearing a good mask either.

"Are you nervous?" Beatrice asks in a whisper.

"Depends who is asking," I whisper back.

She nods knowingly before she closes her eyes.

Ten minutes later, Caleb returns. He doesn't look nearly as confident as he did going in. He is pale and breathing rather heavily. He sits on the other side of me, rather than asking Beatrice to move from where he had been sitting. Caleb then does something surprises me. He weaves his fingers through mine and holds onto my hand. I know no one is watching us, but it is still strange. It is not our way, but I don't let go. I can feel the sweat on his hands. It takes a lot to get Caleb worked up like this. I do not think he means to, but he is making me more nervous.

Susan and Beatrice are both called next. Caleb and I are alone in our section of the table. We sit there still holding hands. I know I am not supposed to ask him about his test, but I really want to ask him. I refrain. While still holding it, Caleb draws circles on the back of my hand with his thumb.

Sometime later, a woman in a black blazer and jeans walks toward Caleb and me. I expect Caleb to let go of my hand, but he doesn't. "Caleb," the woman says, like she knows him, leading me to conclude that she must have given him his Aptitude test. Caleb looks up at her. The woman continues, "Your sister got sick and she wanted me to tell you that she left."

"She what?" Caleb asks.

"I'm sure she'll be fine." The woman forces a smile and then turns toward me, her smile is now more genuine. "Edith Eaton, you're up."

I glance at Caleb. He gives my hand a reassuring squeeze before he releases it. I take a deep breath and stand. I follow the woman to rooms only used for Aptitude testing. Before I go leave the cafeteria, I look back at Caleb. I can tell me watched me walk away. He smiles at me and then I disappear from his view. The hallway is completely mirrored. I can't help but notice my reflection and how my messy my hastily thrown-up bun looks. For a moment, my nerves about the test fade as they turn toward my father's reaction to my appearance. I am more scared of my father at the moment.

"I'm Tori, by the way," the woman says as she opens the door to room six.

I walk inside and she shuts the door behind us. She opens her mouth to say something else but quickly closes it, probably deciding against whatever she was about to say. Instead, she motions me toward the chair. I take a deep breath. Thoughts of my father are making me more nervous. I cannot fail this. I sit down and play with my hands nervously.

"You look like him," Tori says holding a cup of liquid in her hand.

My brow furrows. "Like who?" I ask. I think she means my father.

She smirks. "Your brother."

My eyes widen. "Tobias? You know my brother?"

Tori nods her head. "You Abnegation are more curious than you let on." She then pushes the liquid toward me. "Drink up."

I look at her hesitantly, but she continues to hold the liquid until I finally grab it. I want to ask why I have to drink it or what will happen once I drink it, but a good Abnegation wouldn't ask. They would just do as they're told. That is an act I need to continue...at least for now. Tori looks at me curiously. It feels like she knows I am questioning things, but she doesn't say anything. Instead, I exhale a breath and quickly knock back the liquid before my eyes close.

When I open my eyes, I am standing in the middle of an empty cafeteria. Even the long tables are gone. Strange. Caleb should be here. He is supposed to wait for me to finish my test. I shake my head. Had I already done my test? But suddenly a table with two baskets appears in front of me. In one basket is a knife. In the other is a hunk of cheese.

A woman's voice tells me to choose.

Perhaps this is the test. I look at the cheese and the knife. Why would one be forced to choose between cheese and a knife in the Aptitude test? How were those two objects supposed to determine which faction I belonged in? It doesn't make sense. I don't know which to take. If I knew the purpose of the choice, I would be able to choose.

"Choose," the woman says again.

I growl. I want to know why, but I know better than to ask. That has been ingrained in me for years.

"Choose!" This time the woman's voice yells the words at me.

Gah. Actions have consequences, I know that. So, I better play things safe. I grab a hold of each basket with my hands. Why do I have to choose when I could have both? I have two hands after all.

The table disappears, as do the baskets in my hands.

"What?" I whisper.

"You couldn't make a choice, so you get neither."

That hardly seems fair. But I do not have time to dwell on it because the door creaks open. I turn to do a dog standing in the doorway. The dog is crouched low and is growling. Great. Just great. Both the knife and cheese could have come in handy, but I have neither.

Think. Think. Think.

Three options: fight, flight, or freeze.

Think. Think. Think.

We've learned about dogs in biology. They can smell fear so that rules out running. Fighting would only egg it on. Only one option. But no fear. It certainly isn't going to be easy. I attempt to steady my breathing before I crouch down so that I am on my knees. Slowly, I reach my hand forward and look down at the ground, not wanting to make eye contact.

The dog comes forward and sniffs my hand. It sniffs again. It growls. I breathe steadily. No fear. No fear. No fear. Then the dog does something that surprises me. It nudges my hand with its wet nose. It takes a few steps forward before it licks my face.

I scrunch my face which is now wet with doggy drool before I release a chuckle. My father never let me have a dog. I always wanted a dog. Tobias and I asked several times growing up, but we stopped asking when we knew that it would only lead to pain and suffering. I pet the dog. This makes me smile.

I hear footsteps. We are not alone. I glance up and see a young girl standing there in a white dress.

That's when things get weird.

The girl suddenly morphs into my father. It almost seems like a computer glitch, but sure enough, Marcus Eaton is standing there. He tells me to get away from the dog. This makes the dog angry. I try to hold onto to the dog, hoping that my father might have some mercy, but the dog bolts. It runs straight for my father and lunges.

Then, things get weird again.

The dog morphs into my brother. It is no longer the dog lunging toward my father, but Tobias. But it isn't quite the Tobias I remember. While he almost looks the way I remember, he has traded in his Abnegation gray for Dauntless black. Tobias knocks my father off his feet. He packs a pretty good punch too.

But then my father pushes Tobias off him, sending him flying. My father is seething as Tobias lies somewhat limply against the mirrored walls. Tobias looks hurt. It is a scene I have seen many times before. But normally, my father has a stopping point. He does not look finished with Tobias. He marches toward my brother.

"No," I whisper. I will not let my father hurt Tobias anymore. My feet carry me toward my brother. I am not even thinking at this moment because if I was, I would remember the words faction over blood. If was thinking, I stand on the side of my father. But instead, I put myself between the two of them. I stand in front of Tobias, crossing my arms in an x in front of my face, shielding myself from the impending blow.

My father suddenly stops. For a moment, I think perhaps he will not strike me. But I hear an all-too-familiar sound: his belt being loosened. Still, in the stance I struck, I begin to tremble. It's coming. It's coming. It's coming.

The belt makes contact. I scream in agony before I crumple to the ground. I can't save him. I can't save Tobias. I can't save him after all the times he saved me.

But Tobias suddenly springs to his feet. He is wielding the knife from before. Anger is clear on his face. My father looks surprised. He slowly begins to back up, holding his hands up in defense. Tobias slowly moves forward.

"Edith," my father says glancing my way. "Edith."

I slowly stand to my feet. I should do something. But I can't. Instead, I watch as Tobias draws the knife high. He starts to plunge the knife toward my father, but I turn my head and close my eyes.

When I finally open my eyes, the scene has changed. I am now standing on a full bus. There isn't a single seat open. A man sits in front of me clutching a newspaper. He holds it in front of his face. All I can see is his hand.

"Do you know this guy?" he asks. He taps the front page, which is facing me. The headline reads:"Brutal Murderer Finally Apprehended!"

At first, the face looks vaguely familiar. But then there seems to be another glitch. The face swirls for a few seconds. When the swirling stops, the face changes. This time, the face is easily recognizable. Tobias.

My breathing hitches and my heart starts to race. The man asks again if I know the guy. If the man knew who I was, he would already know the answer to his question. He must not know who I am. He must not know that I am Edith Eaton-daughter of Marcus and Evelyn, sister of Tobias. For a moment, it feels good to bask in my anonymity, a feeling I rarely ever felt in my lifetime.

But the man is persistent. "Do you know him?"

Feeling an urge to protect my brother, I answer, "No."

"Don't. Lie. To. Me." The man's voice is as cold as ice and I now recognize it. He flips the paper down. It is my father. "Why did you let him kill me, Edith?"

My father stands to his full height beside me. He is trying to intimidate me..and it almost works. But if how can he be asking me why I let Tobias kill him, if Tobias actually killed him? He can't. That means this can't be real. This is my Aptitude test. It has been the entire time.

Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

My eyes fling open and I gasp for air.

"Not again," Tori whispers.

Then everything goes black.

Author's Note: It's been a while. Sorry. Gotta go where my muse takes me...and for a while, that was nowhere. Such is life. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. Where do you think Edith will end up? Thanks for taking the time to read this. Also a big thank you to those who reviewed. It means the world to me! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s note: The plot bunny nobody asked for, but I couldn’t get out of my head! Here’s the first chapter! So Edith is torn between staying in Abnegation (can she make Caleb stay), going to Erudite where Caleb wants to go, or following the brother she misses to Dauntless. What do ya’ll think she’s gonna do?


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